In accordance with this mother’s request for anonymity, this family is referred to as Doe-a, John, Jane, and their children.
Jane and her husband, John, have four children: Sara (32), Mary (28), Bob (19), and Fred (17). John served with the 82nd Airborne in Vietnam and was an Army Ranger. Bob, following in his father’s footsteps, is serving with the 82nd. He signed up for a four hitch and intends to become an Army Ranger. Mary is in the Reserves and has spent ten years in the Army.
Jane: Bob left for boot camp in Ft. Benning on April 1st, 2003. The whole family attended his graduation in Georgia. I got the shivers when the new soldiers marched together through the trees, singing cadence; it was enormously touching and I was so proud of his hard work. After that, Bob went on to complete Airborne training and then traveled home with us, to northern California, for a short vacation.
Bob returned to Ft. Bragg, NC, in August, 2003. Just after turning 19, he was deployed to Baghdad, Iraq, on September 1st, 2003. It was his first assignment after boot camp and Airborne graduation. He’s due to return to Ft. Bragg in May, 2004, with the 82nd. But, with the way things are going, who knows if they’ll keep to that schedule?
I was a child of the 60s and marched in peace demonstrations protesting the war in Vietnam. I saw what happened to those troops when they return stateside. They received no counseling after serving, they simply left Vietnam and came back home. Not only was there no support for the troops after Vietnam, they were insulted for participating. They were called ‘baby killers’; I saw one fellow spat upon as he left the airport. And many of those soldiers were drafted! Back then, I swore to myself that, if I ever have a son, I’ll take him to the far ends of the earth to prevent him fighting in a war. I’m so afraid the tide will turn here, that the troops will lose the country’s support, and that the same thing will happen to our boys if this war drags on. I listen and watch carefully to detect any hint of that. I believe our troops spend time in Kuwait, resting and receiving counseling, before coming home.
Let me share an anecdote. Recently, in a restaurant where a group of soldiers shared a table, a woman nearby was talking loud enough that all could hear her – and the soldiers could hear her references to “those baby killers in Iraq.” A young mother carrying her child approached the loud-voice woman and said she was offended by the talk: “My husband is fighting in Iraq so that you can enjoy a nice meal in this place, worry-free. He’s fighting for me, for our child, for you, for all of our children.” After the loud woman left the restaurant, the soldiers approached the young mother and thanked her for her support.
I’ve noticed that folks in the U.S., who are not directly affected by this war, those without friends or family over there, can carry on without the slightest change to their lives.
I volunteer with Operation Mom, military mothers who package and mail things to the troops. Over Christmas a friend and myself raised funds to donate to this organization by reproducing a Christmas card from the 1970s. It was a design my friend’s father created during the Vietnam War, a dove of peace on top of a Christmas tree in the design of the American flag. A statement, indeed. We used the graphic on shirts too. I made a bright “Support the Troops” poster, complete with pictures depicting all of the military branches – no one passing could fail to see that poster – and I tried to sell the shirts and cards outside the local markets. I only sold three shirts, a few more cards. Most people didn’t even stop and look.
My husband is a vet and, while he rarely speaks of Vietnam, my boys know their dad served in the prestigious 82nd. Growing up they wanted to do that, too. I have a photo of Bob at four years, standing tall with his dad’s Airborne beret on his head. Bob carries his dad’s 82nd wings in Iraq. When he left for Iraq, he told me, “Don’t worry. Carrying these, I’ll be fine.”
Bob is very proud of his accomplishments with the military. And I am, we all are, very proud of him. Even with my doubts about war in the abstract, I’m so proud to see him grow into a responsible, respectful, and appreciative young man. Especially as he had a difficult time as a teenager (consequently, the whole family had a difficult time).
Bob was both excited and very nervous about going to Iraq. Before he left he went on a shopping spree to fulfill the Army’s list, special shaving gear and so on. He called on his cell phone, telling me what he was buying or asking advice. I wanted to board a plane and go to Ft. Bragg, to help him with his shopping and to hug him goodbye (I kept myself from doing that, though.) He also gave me a cell-phone tour of the his new barracks on Ft. Bragg. Instead of a huge shared bunk room – the image many of us have of military life – Bob shares with one other guy. I told him I’ll help him decorate on his return. It was so much fun to do that long-distance tour as he described the building, the passage ways, the grounds. When he had his last Chinese food meal before leaving, I asked about the fortune in the cookie; now I use the number (on the back of the fortune) in the lottery.
My youngest son, Fred, participated in the “early entry” program in high school. He wanted to join the 82nd too but couldn’t. He’s enlisted in the 101st Airborne and will go to boot camp in July, 2004. He’s 17. When Fred told Bob, Bob was quiet. Then he said, “Its very dangerous over here. I’ll talk to you about it when I get back.”
My daughter, Sara, blamed me for allowing Fred to enlist: “You should have stopped him! How could you allow another child to fight in this war?” She felt that his joining would only show more support for the war and was so angry that she stopped talking to me for a few days until she could deal with it. But we’re on good terms again. She’s such a peaceful person and she’s so worried about Bob; now she worries for Fred, too.
Bob calls every week. When I hear that distinctive voice on the line, “Hel-low Mama!” I shout with joy and everyone at home crowds around the phone to get a moment with him. Once he was shivering with cold as he talked; turns out he’d jumped out of bed at 3 a.m. to get into the slighter shorter phone line –there’s only one phone and all the guys share it -- wearing only slippers and underwear!
When he first got to Baghdad he said, “Mom, they hate us over here; even the little children hate us.” That really shocked him, that even the Iraqi children hate him and other U.S. soldiers. Sometimes I can hear in his voice how tired he is; but, most of the time he’s upbeat and joking around with us. At one point, in Baghdad, his group was doing 8 hour patrols searching houses, returning to camp for 4 hours of rest, then doing another 8 hour patrol. That went on for weeks. He was exhausted.
Sometimes Bob wants to speak privately to his dad. I don’t listen as I know something happened and Bob needs his dad’s counsel, something about the fighting. He’s very lucky to have a dad who has gone through similar experiences and whose wisdom he can draw upon. John is very supportive of Bob, reminds him that this is a job, not to let it get to him, that he’ll be home soon.
Bob is a saw-gunner, the guy with the huge gun on his lap facing the street from the back of the Humvee. Anytime an image arises in my mind of my child in such danger, I push it away. I have to keep positive. He’ll be back. He’ll be back soon.
I keep busy. Today I went around to all the high schools around this town and asked students to create cards and posters for the soldiers, happy, colorful posters to show our support of our troops. Operation Mom will send to them in the care packages to decorate their military quarters.
When Bob gets back, we’ll have a huge banana split together.
